Talking To Squirrel

I am getting skeptical of my vision nowadays. I am not sure if its my eye, or some camera lens in them. Sometimes i find myself staring at bizarre places, like in a cowdung, a crawling worm with it seductive walk(a worm with my usual vision creeps the shit out of me, ewwwww), spit saliva on ground. God, it's not that i stare at  solely all the disgusting things, but earlier i couldn't withstand the sight of it.

Maybe my threshold has kinda hiked(lol).

Well the strange incident that i am gonna narrate here was embarrassing as hell.

My keyring was casually hanging down my pocket and i was sipping a coffee with straw. Now, i was in office, and kind of freak that i am, i was standing alone, singing lullabies to me(in mid afternoon) waiting for a friend for lunch.

His block was at a distance, so i took out my earphone and put on loud music. Now i was completely isolated from the world and had a punk feeling listening to "Tourniquet", a hard metal song, though my eyes were equally active.

So i sat down at a bench provided for nomads like me, and grabbed the whole of a 5 feet bench, placing my prized assets(i.e. my Nokia X2, my room's key, coffee glass, and my purse, though i still wonder how was i able to cover the whole of bench by these little possessions, anyways not to sway from topic).

I looked away into nothingness, relishing the moment of life when i saw a squirrel staring at me. A small squirrel. So out of curiosity i passed it a smile(expecting it to return one), and waved it a hand.

I made myself more cozy by settling on the bench, and again waved to the squirrel, 'you wanna come and sit here, share my coffee.'

But the squirrel didn't reply instead stared at me, so i courageously said, 'i know you are scared of me, come on i challenge you, if you are brave enough come and sit here'.

It was still staring, so i looked at it strangely, and gestured it a slap. Then i felt sympathetic as if i could see in the tiny eyes of the squirrel,  that i broke its heart(sincerely, what a waste i am, moron).

'Sorry Bro' i spoke to it.

Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder, it was my friend. I shivered as i was listening to the music and was drifted to some other world,
'Next time when you listen to music make sure you lower it down' he spoke.

He looked back and asked me to see there. There was a bunch of people laughing at my dialogues, for i was unaware of it but i was shouting at top of my throat. They stood there listening to my weird monologue with the squirrel.

I stood up and walked hideously, and as i passed beside them i heard a huge laughter burst behind me, and
'Shit' was all i could say.

Fatal Experience

As i saw the tide approaching me, my instinct told me to step back but i didn't. I knew i had to fight my fears if i wished to win.

I stood tall there waiting to confront it, as the tide hit me, it was the most excruciating moment of the life. I was terribly disbalanced, and the worst was, it was a huge wave. I underestimated it. It went around 40 metres beyond me. This is the photograph when it was bit toned down, i could capture its roaring sculpture though :(.

My mouth gaped wide, as i turned to see it. An then came the worst moment, it was raining so there were tiny whirlpools were created in the ocean's womb and fuck, it was pulling the sand beneath my feet.

I closed my eyes and desperately prayed, 'Please God, pull this wave and i won't play with ocean again.'

I tried to keep a tight grip on the sand, but it was slipping at an enigmatic speed. 40 metres was the distance it had to travel back. I stood there breathless, with the sand slipping as the wave retreated.

I was trying to press my heels in sand, but with not much relief. I stupidly jumped in water to run back to the shore, balancing my camera in one hand. But i couldn't run against the direction of water.

Finally the wave travelled back and the ocean took it back in its secret.

I shuddered as i looked at the ocean from a distance.

I shook my head, raised a hand at ocean while walking away in opposite direction, nodded my head and spoke,
'Sorry, i know i can't beat you, you win Sir, you win'

Fang Bre More (Gautam Avisha)

 PROLOGUE:                                                                                                                                                                                   

He was chasing me. His hideous course flattened my heart.

Two o’ clock in night, I was returning from an office party. A silhouette tramped my blotch on the gray road. I pierced my way in a dark alley, drawing me out of his vision. Like my shadow, he knew where I went. My odor appeared to be a foe.

When I arrested my gait, he ceased to tramp, staring with ghastly eyes.

 In terror, in quiet, I gazed at him, outlining his eyes and intention. There was an inexplicable power snatching my judgments. Those eyes glinted. A scent passed through all the remoteness. I stood there. Fascinated, captivated, reciting him, and then bowed to elope with ample steps. He hunted me with concentration, stopping me, provoking me to glue to my position.

My heart failed to spot beats. I took notice of his strong feet, overtaking mine. He came up to me. I didn’t approve it. I expected him to leave me. My heart pulverized with thuds. I couldn’t return his ogle. An extreme stare made me look away; pushed me to flee. He reminded me how frail I was. I couldn’t stand.

I looked at him, and tried to make my way from his side. He raised his hands to stop me. I didn’t care. I tried breaking out despite his attempt. But, he held my hands. I tried escaping from his grip. I was choking and petrified by his madness. His grasp on my wrist was so tight that my blue bracelet broke into shards and cut his palms. But he stared powerfully at me, his eyes more determined than before. He left my hands and pulled me close. I closed my eyes, and hit on his stomach trying to flee, but he was so captivating that all my attempts went in vain. I wept, and shouted, asking him to leave me. He put his hands on my mouth subduing the noise I made. His hands embraced me tightly denying me any chance to escape. I was terrified and made all possible attempts to elope. I knew he wasn’t going to leave me. He had been following me since days; he wasn’t going to let go of me so easily. He smelled of some strong aftershave. I stared at his eyes with tears in mine. He looked in my eyes. I was trying with all might to escape, but he was there with me as substantially as I was not even there. He overpowered my presence entirely. Like a baby I was throwing my hands. He was not even swaying, standing sternly. Finally I gave up and submerged my face in his bosom.

‘Let me go please’ I wept as I said.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

‘I love you’ he spoke sternly and clearly. I calmly rested my head on his chest. Weeping and wiping my tears in his shirt. He held my hands, and started wiping my tears with his hands.

‘I love you’ he said again more gently. 

I raised my head to look at his face. I didn’t know what to say. I knew I couldn’t escape. I knew he loved me. I knew I loved him. I wanted to run away from him. But, secretly I wanted to hold him even more tightly, so that I could not breathe in his embrace. He loved me, like I never imagined anyone would. He made me complete like I never thought anyone would. His breath, his smell, his eyes and whenever he held my hands, it made me loose all the sanity I had. I had surrendered myself totally to him. I couldn’t bear his distance from me. He made me mad; mad for him. I never thought anybody would come in my life, bounding me to forget myself. I always thought it was never meant to be. It was just in stories or movies that people fell in love like that. The way he protected me, from the eyes of the world, holding my insecurities, granting me love, gifting me madness, till I reached the point of obsession.

‘Please leave me’ I spoke my face hidden in his shirt

My voice directly hit his heart. His face was shaven and smelled of some after shave.  He gleamed with aura reflecting with the light. I put my hands to feel his face. His face was moist with tears. My heart pained, I held myself to control the pain, and I knew I loved him; but this madly, why. He put his hand on my heart, and mine on his. A pulse travelled between our hearts. He completed me, I completed him.

For a moment I forgot everything. His lowered his face shadowing mine. I closed his eyes. My eyes were burning. With swollen heart his eyes said everything I never wanted to accept. His face came near mine and I felt his warm breath questioning me. I stood there stern, denying him any possibility of coming closer to me. He opened his eyes with tears in them. I shut mine in anticipation. He pushed me away with a jerk, and moved two steps back. I knew I loved and wanted him as much as he did, but I knew I didn’t deserve him. I was scared not of him, but of my own convictions. He made me mad for myself. His black eyes and strong grip shook me inside out whenever he held me. But I could never pour my heart to him.

He was far better than what I dreamed of, I didn’t deserve him. Whenever I was alone, I told this to 
myself repeatedly. The moment I saw him the first time, I knew he was dangerous for me. I stalked him, while he stalked me. I never showed him the madness I had for him. I wanted to hear that he loved me, that he was mine. I prayed for it. But when he actually expressed his heart, I couldn’t take it. 

My madness reached the point of paranoia, when I saw him with a girl. They were having tea, and discussing something. Gautam was smiling at her. I passed from his side, making sure he notices me, but also making sure, I ignore him completely, going forward talking to another guy. Acting by my gestures, ‘I don’t love you’ there are lot many more to be interested in. 

But the truth was whichever day I didn’t see him, I died in agony.  I knew I loved him. A small glimpse of his made me mad; he was handsome far more in my eyes. I could not be pulled back; I knew I was in love when he looked at me

BROKEN WISH

Abide  by,  rule  of  broken  wish,

Chunky  a  desire,  a  soaring  bliss,

The  bowers  of  ego,  and  innocence along,

A  touch  of  chastity,  demoralizing  yet  strong,

A  capability,  to  touch  the  chest,

And  leave to God,  the filthy  rest,

Vogues  of  fantasy,  grooves  of  word,

Doping  the  passions,  exiling  the  bird,

A  pious belonging,  and  agitating  game,

A  sensuous  longing,  yet  so  insane,

All  these  together,  look  so  odd,

Apostate  as  looks  with,  holy  nod,

Yet  some  combination  look  so  bizarre,

Bewildering  the   game,  curtailing  the  power,

I  try in  recluse  to  solve  all  this,

My  innermost  desire,  is  to  play  the  missed.

SHADOW

During  snow  fall,  I  fell  so  warm,

Melting  all  ice,  I  walked  in  farm,

Chasing  a  shadow,  that  tediously  moved,

And  enchanted  in  its  glory,  some  equations  it  proves,

It  makes  me  question,  to  my  blood,

So  controlled  it  travels,  causing  no  flood,

But  the  shadow  sometimes,  looks  with  grim,

Asking  me  as  if  ‘will  your  breath  trim’,

I  look  at  the  shadow,  but  do  not  speak,

Enraptured  and  holy,  falling  so  meek,

As  my  destitute,  marks  my  gestures,

And  makes  me  agile,  to  feel  few  ventures,

A  holy  invitation,  the  shadow  throws,

Magnetizing  me  near,  inducing  its  woes,

‘Oh  shadow’,  I  gasp,  ‘your  worries  have  load’,

‘You  are  so  bizarre’,  in  humblest  code,

Struggling  to  walk,  you  pulled  me  close,

I  could  have  resisted,  oh  which  path  I  chose,

You  kill  me  shadow,  please  don’t  do,

I  might  be  wrong,  yet  my  soul  is  true,

The  shadow  gazed  around,  calling  my   name,

I  surrender  my  soul,  my  chase  was  lame,

And  it  drunk  my  vibes,  which  came  off,

To  grow  more  mighty,  with  thunderous  laugh.

TENDER LOVE

Twixt  the  bowers,  I  sit  and  weep,

My  eyes  get  dry,  I  fall  asleep,

In  my  dreams,  you  run  and  come,

And  wake  me  up,  I  see  no  one,

I  jump  from  bowers,  and  my  eyes  play,

Searching  your  foot,  your  tender  neigh,

In  trees  I  lurk,  with  bolts  I  fly,

Above  the  tree,  in  vain  I  sigh,

How  I  beheld  you,  when  you  were  not  around,

And  enraptured  I  hear,  your  holy  sound,

In  hide  and  seek,  you  transform  colors,

In  air  you  float,  like  fish  in  rivers,

Feeling  so  delighted,  you  capture  the  breeze,

And  fly  so  delicately,  with  a  bunch  of  bees,

Attending   the  birds,  in  nest  you  move,

Plucking  some  grapes,  in  enchanted  grooves,

Your  mild  footsteps,  on  air  float,

You  glide  on  air,  nimble  as  goat,

To  see  the  stars,  as  they  own  your  breed,

And  sniffing  the  rain,  as  your  eternal  need,

I  hunt  from  behind,  but  swiftly  you  flee,

I  love  this  game,  of  you  and  me,

So  lets  chase  this,  eternal  try,

You  love  me,  as  forever  will  I.

FAKE SPARK

In  midst  of  my  life,  beholding  a  spark,

I  ran  to  it,  but  it  turned  to  dark,

The  horizon  of  ache,  breached  dead  air,

Bowing  in  your  image,  chanted  a  prayer,

Blood  from  my  veins,  spurted  out,

Flowing  on  skin,  transforming  me  stout,

Morphing  my  agony,  in  delicate  pain,

I  held  myself,  to  be  bit  sane,

Your  whisper  I  heard,  and  jerked  around,

To  see  tranquil  air, my  eyes too frowned,

I  scratched  my  skull,  with  my nails,

‘Oh  let  me  smell  you,  I am  so  frail’,

You  squeezed  my  heart, to  deflate  it,

Dealt  with  my  breath,  to  pirate  it,

Compelling  me  to  scream,  please  kill  me,

Hypnotized  my  mind,  death  instilled  me,

This  serene  agitation,  but  did  not  speak,

I  bowed  so  low,  you  made   me weak,

I  saw  the  spark,  it  flew  to  sky,

I  behold  my  flesh,  with  soul  I fly...